The He-Man Woman-Haters brigade were quick to write off Madame Web because it was about a team of Spider-Women. This is foolish, as hatred and sexism are always foolish. There are many reasons Madame Web is a bad movie, but it being an action movie starring several women is incidental to that. (Besides which, they are only in costume during visions showing the future.)

There is a good idea at the heart of Madame Web. In a better world, that idea might have been the basis for a streaming show or a popular series of young adult novels. Unfortunately, in this branch of the Spiderverse, that idea is hidden within a vehicle for Dakota Johnson and two hours of exposition scripted by the writers of Morbius. (Incidentally, unlike Morbius, there are no post-credits scenes, so you can go as soon as The Cranberries’ Dreams begins playing.)

The plot is Superhero Origin 101, and built on multiple coincidences. Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson) is a paramedic, who develops precognition after a near-death experience. This causes her to see the violent deaths of three teenage girls, whom she coincidentally encountered just before she got powers.

The girls, in turn, are destined to get powers and kill a man named Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim) who, coincidentally, killed Cassandra’s mother. She died while seeking a legendary South American spider, whose venom has amazing healing properties. Said spiders are protected by a tribe of men, who have the powers of spiders and are said to fight evil. This heavy exposition and the script that contain it are the film’s main weakness.

There are a lot of logic problems with the story. Chief among them is why the spider tribe don’t go after Ezekiel Sims, when they are aware of his corrupting their gift. It is also never explained why Ezekiel, despite having used his stolen powers to become ludicrously wealthy, goes after the girls destined to kill him personally instead of hiring a team of assassins. Or why he has a super-suit.

The dialogue is clunky and Dakota Johnson spends most of her screentime looking confused by her lines. The problem is she seems equally confused by her prophetic visions and her socially awkward attempts at talking to strangers. These moments are on par with the worst scenes portraying autism on The Big Bang Theory, with Cassandra discussing her mother dying in childbirth at a baby shower.

The rest of the cast are equally ill-served. The three teenage leads get little characterization beyond Skater (Celeste O’Connor), Nerd (Sydney Sweeney) and Latina (Isabela Merced). Tahar Rahim does little beyond glowering at the camera. Similarly wasted are Dakota’s fellow paramedic, Ben (Adam Scott) and his pregnant sister-in-law, Mary (Emma Roberts). They are in the film so Ben can talk about how excited he is about being an uncle (get it? get it?) and so that Mary can go into labor at an inopportune moment.

The damnable thing is that the direction by S.J. Clarkson makes this work far better than it should and brings out the best in the performers. Clarkson previously directed the Jessica Jones television series, and knows how to handle a tense action sequence. CGI is used sparingly and the practical effects are solid throughout. This is particularly true of the climax, which is set in an abandoned fireworks factory.

Unfortunately, the best parts of Madame Web are the scenes that don’t feature the title character. The one honestly funny moment involves the teens going to a local diner, after coming to the conclusion that their savior either abandoned them or got caught. The interactions in this scene are some of the most genuine in the film, right up until the girls start flirting with a table full of boys and dance on the table. (Naturally, none of the diner staff objects to this.)

It is for this reason that I think Madame Web might have worked better if the focus were shifted to the teenage heroes and it were turned into a show. Granted, a story built around three teens prophesied to kill a villain is an overplayed trope. However, the base idea has enough flexibility to allow for development in new directions and the chemistry between the teen actors (all played by twentysomethings) is one of the film’s best features. It just seems like it would work better as a show, although that might be down to S.J. Clarkson’s direction.

As it stands, Madame Web is serviceable, despite its flaws. It is a far better movie than Morbius, which put me to sleep when I saw it in the theater. It is not as fun as Venom, but neither is it the second coming of Halle Berry’s Catwoman.